Joe Clements

After college (University of Florida), I worked for the U.S. Dept. of Justice. I lived in Atlamta, Kansas City, KS (Leavenworth), Los Angeles, El Paso, TX, Baltimore, MD, Toledo, OH, Denver, CO. and then, back to Jacksonville.

I was at Publix recently. I walked up to this lady that I didn’t know. She was in the frozen food section. I said ‘did you see what I just saw’. She looked at me strangely. She said ‘do I know you and who are you’?

I was a time traveler from the future.

Two brothers and one sister.
My father died in a car accident and my mother died several years later.
I miss both of my parents so very much.
Always tell those that you care about how much they mean to you.

Worked at McDonalds and then joined the Navy.
My dad was so proud when I got my first job.
I said ‘Dad, calm down. It’s McDonalds’.

A few but I would like to get to know more.
I’m kinda shy.

I worked for the U.S. Dept of Justice as an investigator. I traveled and relocated alot. I met alot of nice people (some bad people too).

I retired about three years ago.
I do volunteer work - animals and homeless people.
I’m writing novels:
USP Atlanta
There was a hot Georgia wind blowing that night. It was one of those hot and humid winds that came up from the Gulf of Mexico and curled your hair and made your nerves jump and your skin itch. On nights like that every booze party ends in a fight and the police having to show up and take someone to jail. Frustrated wives feel the edge of the carving knife and study their husbands' necks. Anything can happen. You can even get a full glass of draft beer at a cocktail lounge.
No Neck was getting one in a flossy new place across the street from the apartment complex where he lived. It had been open about a week and it wasn't doing any business. The kid behind the bar - his name was Chip - was in his early twenties and looked as if he had never had a drink in his life.

Bojangles
“It was summertime, and the living was easy for the Braves because Marty Rabb was throwing the ball past the New York Mets in a style to which he’d become accustomed. I was there. In the left field bleachers drinking Coors Lite from a big paper cup, eating peanuts and having a very nice time. I wasn’t supposed to be having a nice time. I was supposed to be working. But now and then you can do both.
For serious looking at baseball there are few places better than Atlanta Fulton County Stadium. The stands are almost close to empty, the fences are a hopeful green, and the young men in their white uniforms are working on real grass, the authentic natural article; under the actual sky in the temperature as it really is. No Tartan Turf. No Astrodome. No air conditioning. Not too many pennants over the years, but who cares. Life is adjustment. And I loved the beer.
The best pitcher I ever saw was Tom Glavin and the next best was Marty Rabb. Rabb was left-handed like Glavin but bigger, and he had a hard slider that waited for you to commit yourself before it broke. While I shelled the last peanut in the bag he laid the slider vigorously on Rusty Stabb and the Mets were out in the eighth. While the sides changed I went for another bag of peanuts and another beer.”

Comfort Air
Tulsa
Chinese Embassy
Chavez Revine
Whisper Her Sin
“How much would you give for one moment of perfect pleasure?” “A great deal.” “Would you give anything?” “Anything. Everything.” “Do you mean that?” “Can you deliver?” “I can.” “Will it hurt?” “Doesn’t pleasure always hurt? In the end?”

I live one day at a time. I’m not a bad guy. Sure, I’ve got issues. I make mistakes. I’m terrible with women. Sometimes, I’m a pretty neglectful person. I’ve hurt and disappointed some people. I realize that and I’m trying to make up for it. But my heart is in the right place – and occasionally, just occasionally, I’ll try and do the right thing…”

No kids and no grandkids (is it too late?).

In the Navy, I traveled alot. I have been all over the world. Every year, I try and travel to one place I've never been. I would like to go on an Alaskan cruise. Financial issues 😏.

I went to the moon once. This was after a few shots of tequila.

Gainesville, FL on a football Saturday and to church on a Sunday.

I've always wanted to travel Route 66 on a Harley. All the was from Chicago to Los Angeles. (take my time). But, I don't want to go by myself (any takers). I've always wanted to go to a baseball game at Wrigley Field. And, I've always wanted to see the house where Grace Kelly grew up in (it's in Philadelphia). Oh, I’ve wanted to visit Normandy - D Day.

I've never looked better.
I've never made love better.
And, I've never lied better.

Seriously, I think, act, and dress young. Age is only a number. But sometime, I feel like I’m 99 years old.

I ran for Jacksonville City Council.

I care so much about the St. Johns River. We are abusing that river and we need to stop.

I care about animals. Last year, over 1,200 horses were euthanized at race tracks in America as a result of injury. That is unacceptable.

I am a certified member of The Mile High Club.

I have 50 years of junk. But, it’s my junk.

I still cry when Ol Yeller dies.

I collect baseball and football jerseys (I have about one thousand).

Football games on a Friday night. Pep rallies. The pretty girls. Graduation.
I got suspended ten days for talking in home room when I was in 10th grade. I promise, I wasn’t talking.

Diet coke, cold beer (Bud lite with lime). And a vodka martini (on the rocks).

Moon river, wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style some day
I loved the movie ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’.
My favorite character?
I loved ‘The Cat’.
Remember ‘The Cat’.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you're goin', I'm goin' your way
Two drifters, off to see the world
There's such a lot of world to see
We're after the same rainbow's end
Waitin' 'round the bend
My huckleberry friend
Moon river and me.

I’m a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll.
I like old country. You know. Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, Waylon Jennings, Loretta Lynn and Barbara Mandrell.

Did you know that if you play a country song backwards, you stop drinking, you get out of jail, your wife comes home, you get a job, you find your dog and you fix your pick up truck..

I also like slow mellow and sexy jazz with a lot of Sax.

Timothy McVay, Lady Diana, Tanya Tucker and Lyle Lovett.

I have never ever:


I have run in every state, I have surfed in Hawaii.
When I was working for DOJ, I got shot twice. Come on now, that’s kinda cool.

Don’t wear a white shirt and drink grape juice while driving.
and

“I read this for years on the side of every box of sparklers on the Fourth of July, and I’m still glad to know it: Do Not Touch Glowing Wire.”
and

The other line moves faster.
and

Never pass up the opportunity to pee.